I Used To Be A Gun Owner Until The Boating Accident Shirt

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I Used To Be A Gun Owner Until The Boating Accident Shirt

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I Used To Be A Gun Owner Until The Boating Accident Shirt

THE LIFE of full-time working parents with young children is like a Formula 1 race car: a highly engineered and very expensive machine barreling through space at unwise speeds, every nut and bolt rattling under the pressure of traveling faster than cars should go.

You take the turn a little fast, you clip the car ahead of you, you hit the brakes too hard, and—boom!—you’re cartwheeling into the barrier and exploding in a big fiery ball.

There’s your family, a roadside pyre, with those dudes in orange vests hosing you down with that flame-retardant stuff that looks like fake snow.

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Being full-time working parents requires fanatical organization. Many pieces have to fit together and function at a high level, from the most mundane (cooking breakfast, brushing teeth, finding a missing shoe) to the most sophisticated (screen sharing three separate PowerPoint presentations while your boss stares at your unshaven face and wonders why you own only one collared shirt). If one of these pieces fails: big fiery ball.

And that was before Covid-19. Being full-time working parents with young children in a pandemic is like Formula 1 racing Mad Max–style, with assassins camped out on the shoulder of the racetrack trying to kill you—a whole tent city of roadside killers licking their pierced lips, brandishing futuristic weapons, and slapping extra gel in their Mohawks as they prepare to tear you limb from limb.

The problem is, I’m a dad of action. I can change a diaper, pack a lunch, organize a playdate, and defuse a tantrum with the best of them. It’s not in my nature to sit idly by while the car I spent countless hours building, tuning up, and racing goes careering off the track.

 

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